How different our lives are when we really know what is deeply important to us, and keeping that picture in mind, we manage ourselves each day to be and to do what really matters most.--Stephen Covey

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Thankful Thursday - 09/29/11

The top 10 things I am thankful for this week:

Health insurance.
Even if they are a big pain in the you-know-where.

Seeing Wicked on Sunday really reminded me why I love going to the theatre. Season tickets may be in our future which makes me go "eek!!".

Good friends and good family.
Because, by golly, right now I really need the support.

I don't think I'll lose much this week, if at all, but it's a start!!

As usual, Jake.
My wonderful hubby <3

The weather cooling down.
Last week I had to turn the AC back on, but hopefully it really will start cooling down where I can turn it off completely. I won't miss that big bill...

 I get to see my sister tomorrow sometime :)

Netflix Instant Queue/Play.
Seriously, Felicity is on instant queue!! My favorite show in middle school/high school. eek!

I'm too chicken to dye my hair and I also don't want to damage my hair... this is a good alternative for going lighter. I just started using it yesterday, so I will let you know how it works out!!

Having this Friday off.
Well, I won't really have the day off because I'll be working on casenotes, but I won't have to see any clients on Friday. Cleaning the apartment and grocery shopping are also on the list tomorrow. Then I can relax over the weekend :)

What are you thankful for this week?

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

This Is How I Shop

I was on a mission to find a cardigan/shawl/something to go with the dress that I am wearing to see Wicked when I decided to look in Old Navy.

I had no luck on finding anything I was looking for in Old Navy, but I did find these shirts:

The two shirts on the left were originally $24.95 and the two shirts on the right were originally $22.94. They were on clearance with an additional 30% off right now. They were each marked at $8.99, so I paid $6.29 each for them!!! Nice deal, huh?

Basically, I got four new shirts (for work) for the price of one of the shirts!! Can't beat that! LOVE good deals!

Monday, September 26, 2011

DIY Recipe Box

Inspiration found here. (And the color of the paint is totally coincidental--it is what I had lying around... And happened to match my paper selections).

- unfinished wooden recipe box. I got mine on Etsy from Unfinished Boxes because I couldn't find one at a local craft store and wasn't into searching thrift stores.
- paint
- Modge Podge
- paint brush
- paper. I used scrapbooking paper

Step 1. Gather supplies.

Step 2. Paint recipe box selected color.

Step 3. Measure and cut paper before modge podge-ing the box. [I used a paper trimmer and regular scissors. I measured each section I wanted to do paper on and then cut it out to the size I wanted--I did have to trim the edges. Tracing each section on the paper would be helpful as well, you would just have to trim it to the desired size. Remember to trim slowly and small. Too much and it'll end up too small/the wrong size.]

Step 4. Add Modge Podge on each section, but remember to do one section at a time. For example, I started with the back piece so I brushed down the glue and added the paper.

Step 5. Make sure to smooth out the piece of paper. It helps to start at the top or bottom of the piece of paper and lay it down. I didn't have problems with any bubbles, but you may, so make sure you smooth them out.

Step 6. Let dry 20-30 minutes.

Step 7. (Optional). Add on any stickers/extras. I added letter stickers on top that spelled out Recipes.

Step 8. Brush one coat of Modge Podge on the top and let dry.

Step 9. Add recipe cards. Mine are Paula Deen recipe cards from Michael's.

My finished Product:

I apologize for the iPhone pictures... my camera is out of battery and I can't find the charging cord.
And, we have the worst lighting in our apartment.

I immediately regretted the sparkles... Not sure what to do about it. Any suggestions?

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Weight Loss - Week 1

It's been a hard week...

And it's not even diet related.

Well, I've made a couple poor choices--like eating a whole sleeve of Oreo cookies Wednesday night and ordering pizza on Friday night (and eating too much), but it's just been a difficult week. Bad news, clients canceling on me, just life taking over. I know it's no excuse. And it's something that I have to work on. But everyone makes mistakes, right? And guess what, I still lost weight! I probably could have lost a total of 2lbs if I hadn't screwed up twice this week, but I still lost 1.4lbs this week! That is pretty good.

Overall it was a good week. I wasn't logging my food, but I was following the eating plan that I made for myself. And decided that I need to change it up to include foods that I will actually enjoy eating instead of simply following someone else's meal plan. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy most of the foods on Undressed Skeleton's Making Meals but there are some I just haven't enjoyed--like the Chobani yogurt. It's yucky to me. I will stick with Yoplait because I don't like cottage cheese either. It's not the healthiest choice, but it's a better choice than not eating it... especially since I don't drink milk and need some dairy in my diet.

I also didn't work out at all. Okay. So I sucked my first week of "being healthy and trying to lose weight", but, it's a journey, right?

My stats for this week:

Height: 5'3"
SW 09.19.11: 193

Current Weight: 191.6
Total Pounds Lost: 1.4
Pounds Lost this Week: 1.4
Goal Weight: 130

Hopefully next week I can get out of the 190's!!

God Never Blinks: Life Lesson #12

Life Lesson #12:

It's okay to let your children see you cry.

I honestly don't know how I feel about this one... So I'm going to pass this one on. I think that it's important for parents to show emotion around their kids because then they learn how to properly express their own emotions through life... for example, when I get angry, I cry. It makes me feel stupid and weak because I can't control it but as soon as I get angry enough, I start to cry. Maybe this is just me. I don't really remember how emotions were treated in our family. I know we were taught to be seen and not heard and that we don't handle emotions well in my family... so, it's probably a combination of everything and we didn't have an open door policy for emotions.

Moms, dads, grandparents -- What do you think? Crying in front of your kids? Is it okay? You tell me.

Friday, September 23, 2011

Rainbows Over Atlanta

I apologize for the iPhone pictures.

As I was driving Jake to work this morning and it was raining but the sun was still kind of out, I said to Jake "Where is the rainbow? I could really use it right now... I haven't seen a rainbow in forever."

Jake replied, "Do you mean a real rainbow or figuratively?"

"Both. It's been a hard year..."

And then on my way to my meeting after dropping him off, I saw the rainbow.

I really needed to see these this morning...

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Thankful Thursday - 9/22/11

This week has been sort of bittersweet. I will write more on it later, it's still too raw and it's not my news to tell before it's time...

So, as hard as it is this week to complete this, here are the things I am thankful for this week:

Clients cancelling appointments. 
More time to myself this week--I need it. 
We need the money, but my emotional health is important too.

DIY projects. 
I'll be posting my first one this weekend :)

Normal thyroid levels. 
Even if it's because of my thyroid pill. 
I'm starting to feel "normal" again.

Finding the strength to complete my healthy eating plan and starting it this week.

Being able to have our apartment windows open--even if it's been above 80 a couple times this week. 
Just pushing through until it's cooler. 
I'll enjoy seeing our electric bill this month...

This quote: 
God will never give you more than you can handle. 
I keep repeating it to myself and am trying to understand what my lesson is in all this.


Making plans to do something that I've been meaning to make plans to do -- the Susan G. Komen 3-Day For the Cure next October in Atlanta.

A wonderful husband that when I get bad news will come home and cook dinner for us because he knows that I'm emotionally drained and upset. 
Seriously, how did I get so lucky!?

Country music. 

Now you do it! Link up here.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Weight Loss Schedule

According to l o s e r t o w n, according to my gender, weight & height, and caloric intake goals, this should be my schedule of where I should be to lose weight:

DayWeightCalories UsedYour Calorie Deficit

This indicates what I should weigh on a particular date. Calories Used are the calories needed to maintain that weight. Your Calorie Deficit shows the difference between calories needed to maintain the listed weight and that of your set caloric intake. I entered 5'3" for my height, 193 for my weight, and light exercise 1-3 times per week and 1200 calories/day. I chose the light exercise because of my thyroid issues and I want to take it slow getting back into exercising. Ultimately, Jake and I have a goal of going to the park each evening after work so that I can walk the track and he can run/walk. When I feel strong enough, I'll start going to the gym again and will most likely start doing yoga a couple times a week and start into the spin classes again. LOVE spinning!!

I plan on using Lose It! on my phone too to log all my foods.

Anyway, hopefully I can do this. I know I can do this!!

Monday, September 19, 2011

Weight Loss - My Story

Here goes...

Here is a little bit about me and my weight loss thus far.

I've always been "over-weight". Never "normal" or skinny. Just average. The last time I can remember being close to a size 6 (which is what I have always thought of to myself as the perfect size for some reason) is probably in 6th grade, going into 7th grade. And I only remember this because I traveled across country with my grandparents to visit my aunt and uncle in Arizona and my aunt had her niece there as well visiting and my aunt took us shopping. I think it was the first time that I actually wore "grown-up" clothes (ya know, not from the kids section where clothes are S/M/L/XL--although now they have numbers) and the shorts my aunt bought me were size 6 shorts. After that, I didn't pay attention much because it didn't matter to me too much. I was definitely conscious of my size, but I was happy and I had friends and that's all that mattered to me.
Could I have been any more dorkier!? 1997 (I think)
After high school, I slimmed out that summer because I spent the entire summer sick. I had 2 bouts of colds that caused me to lose probably between 10-20lbs. Plus, we were moving. And then I got my first job in retail (Target, ftw!) and spent 8+ hours on my feet working. Definitely good for weight-loss--when I wasn't working, I was sleeping, so I wasn't eating much either. Then in early 2004, I knew that I was going to Hawaii that summer so I joined a local Bally's gym and started working out. I think that year I got down to a size 11/12 for the first time in forever and felt great!!
Jake & I - Prom 2004
Then, late 2004, I got braces. It was good for my weightloss because I wasn't eating a lot--if I ate, I had to brush my teeth (personal preference), and I wasn't allowed to eat a lot of different foods. PLUS, my teeth hurt!! I was still working out at the gym but then I moved away for college. I transferred to a college out of state and lived in the dorms. You know where I'm going with this, right?? Yea, cafeteria food = bad for those of us that weren't necessarily taught to make the healthiest decisions all the time. Or watch what we are eating. I by no means blame my mom for my weight. Back when I was growing up, there wasn't as much information on the processed crap that we were eating and people just didn't work out or worry about what they were eating like people do now. It was not mainstream and when you live in a lower middle class family where food is tight to begin with, healthy stuff is the least on your list of things to worry about.
Summer 2005 (I think)
I don't remember how much I weighed when I joined Sparkpeople and started to get serious about my weightloss. I just know that it was spring/summer 2005 and I think that my starting weight was up to 180lbs. Between 2005 and 2007, I went from a size 15/16, to a size 10 (an 8 on a good day) by working out 5 days a week before work and by taking a walk almost daily with the kids I nannyed, logging everything that I ate, and just making good, healthy food choices. I felt great, I felt like I looked great and I was happy and had confidence.
Nov. 2007
After college graduation, I moved away from not my favorite place in the world (Chicago) and my home-state (Michigan) with my then-boyfriend (now husband) to Atlanta, Georgia. I was in a new place with no friends or family, no knowledge of the area and just let myself go. I got a job at a local daycare that I got a free gym membership with (that I used) but I was also eating the school cafeteria's food (fatty, southern food) almost daily and definitely not watching what I was eating. I also think this is about the time that I started having problems with my thyroid, but it wasn't enough for them to be concerned about it. And then in Fall 2008, I started grad school.

Oh grad school. Yea, I stopped working out. I focused on school--I was a full-time student, with an internship, in a very demanding program. Seriously, when I wasn't at my internship or at school sitting in classes, I was at home working on papers, reading textbooks, or studying. I was too stressed to think about eating right. This is when I gained the majority of my weight back... I probably started school around 160lbs and graduated at 190lbs. Ugh. Then, after graduation I couldn't find a job and got depressed and totally lacked motivation for anything and hit my highest weight of around 203lbs.
June 2010
Around the end of September 2008, I finally found a job as a nanny. Not what I went to school for, that's for sure, but it was a job. And it paid the bills. And it paid for the wedding. Anyway, I joined a local woman's gym and started working out. I lost maybe 1lb the entire 8 months that I worked out for the wedding. But here's the thing: I wasn't logging my foods or paying attention to what I was eating and I thought I was eating "right" (okay, that's a lie, I thought I was eating "okay"). I was toning up a bit and lost some inches from working out, but my weight was not budging. Now I know why: I was/am having thyroid problems. I don't know if my thyroid wasn't working during this time or if it was simply my lifestyle choices. Honestly, it's probably a combination of both.

Since I'm in the middle of getting my thyroid stuff taken care of, who knows if I will lose weight. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. Mid-October I have an appointment with an ENT to talk about surgery to remove the right side of my thyroid which has the nodule on it and hopefully that will be the end of my thyroid problems. I am praying that my thyroid will begin to work normally after the surgery and I will not be required to take any sort of thyroid medication for the rest of my life. It's hard to say what will happen, but I am just hoping and praying for the best.

So, here we are to today. Here are my goals:

Height: 5'3"
SW 09.19.11: 193
Total Pounds Lost: 0
Pounds Lost this Week: 0
Goal Weight: 130

Sunday, September 18, 2011

God Never Blinks: Life Lesson #11

Life Lesson #11:

Make peace with your past so it doesn't screw up the present.

I have a strong personal philosophy of no regrets. It's really pretty simple. The decision that you once made for yourself was, at that time, the right decision for you to be making--whether or not it was positive or negative experience or it led to positive or negative consequences. I'm not sitting here and saying that making personal destructive decisions (such as drugs) are okay, because they aren't, especially if they cause you to spiral out of control. But even those that have come out of a spiral of drugs and bad decisions will tell you that they learned something from all those poor decisions. Those that have truly overcome their ghosts will tell you that you just have to put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward. It's a good way to live your life. Moving forward. One step at a time. One day at a time.

Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. And today? Today is a gift. That’s why we call it the present.

Anyway, back to the choices and decisions being right for you at the time. Think about it. If you didn't make the choices that you made way back when (whenever that is, yesterday? Last week? Last year? 10 years ago?), where would you be right now? Would you be right where you are right now? You are a little bit of a different person for each choice you've made. Yes, we've all made poor decisions. We've all regretted making these decisions at the time, but what did you learn from that decision, experience, act? That is what matters. Take it as a learning experience and move on. You can't truly live in the present if you are always stuck in your past wondering 'what if'. You can't truly move forward in your future if you are stuck in the past.

One thing that I really regret (there goes that no regret philosophy), is credit cards. Unfortunately, I had to learn the hard way about them. Paying them back, what a pain it is, how damaging it can be. Here's the kicker. As much as I hate paying my credit cards back and paying for things that I bought 4+ years ago (Jake and I haven't used a credit card in 4+ years!!), there are more charges on the credit cards from things we needed at the time--groceries, to pay a bill, school books, etc. I do admit to my New York & Co. and Victoria Secret's credit cards (dumb, dumb, dumb!), but those have been paid off for at least 2 years and I will never again get a store credit card. And I've learned that if I can't afford it, I can't have it. I've learned how to value what we do have and what we are able to save up and get rather than living life having everything I want. I learned how to value things. And I learned how to properly use a credit card.

How did you come to terms with your past? What helped you find peace in your life?

Friday, September 16, 2011

100 Days 'til Christmas

Whoa, can you believe it!? I know, I know, let Halloween and Thanksgiving have their day but I love Christmas. No joke, we were sitting around watching TV last weekend and something came on the TV about Christmas, or at least reminded me about Christmas, and I asked Jake if we could put up our tree right now. He of course said absolutely not, but it was worth a try, right!? lol

Okay, I know. I'm pushing it here. But a girl can have a little excitement, right? I love the holiday season--the decorating, sending cards, giving gifts, baking, being with family. The smells. Need I say more??

Time to get busy :)

Oh, and time to start behaving. Not that I have any problems with this, lol.

Gotta start making lists:
- shopping
- gifts
- baking
- shipping
- crafts/DIY (instead of buying a new wreath this year, I'm going to make one. And I've found some really great projects I would like to do on Pinterest... My Pinterest)

And I found this great website/blog: 101 Days of Christmas. It's got ideas for baking, organizing and I'm sure decorating and anything else you can think of Christmas related. ::eek::

In good news, we have 100 days. That's 100 days to shop, plan and work on stuff. I don't really start getting all crazy about the holidays until Thanksgiving anyway.

I have no idea what the point of this post is. I guess I just saw it on Better Homes and Gardens facebook page and got excited and wanted to share it with everyone.

What are you excited about? Or dreading? Any plans for DIY projects?

Thankful Thursday - 09/15/11

How did I let this get away from me this week?!

I have honestly had a hard time with this week... My days did not feel like the day they were supposed to feel like. Ya know, today is Friday and it doesn't feel like Friday. Wednesday felt like a Friday. ::shakes head::

So, here is my Thankful Thursday post, on Friday. This week has totally gotten away from me.

Good news from a good friend. I am super excited for her! [And I'm not allowed to reveal anything yet!]

Seeing growth in my clients. Seriously, it means that I am not only doing my job, but that therapy works. And I love seeing my clients succeed.

Pumpkin Spice lattes. Yum!

A husband that will cook dinner for us. I won't mention that he forgot to cook dinner the evening before when I was out late meeting with a client... but he did say that he was going to cook dinner the next day and let me sit down and relax when we got home. Love.

 The cooler weather. Seriously, it's supposed to be in the 70's this weekend.

Being able to have the windows in the apartment open. Fresh air = love.

Tastefully Simple's Oh My! Chai tea.

Celebrating Jake's birthday. He's a quarter of a century years old this year... and still younger than me. lol. My best friend, my husband is another year older and we have many more years to go!

Feeling better. Even if it is in spurts.

My job. I am glad to have a job in social work/therapy and doing something that I love. It's challenging and difficult to handle some days (the stories these kids tell... their lives...) but I could not imagine myself doing anything else.

Clever ways to make a lists

I am one for thinking in the shower and when I am getting ready for the day. Usually, as something comes into my head, I run to my planner or a piece of paper and jot down the idea/thought/to-do/item to buy. And then I got this brilliant idea to just keep a dry erase marker in my bathroom to write things down as I think about them and then take a picture of it with my phone.

Please excuse the messy sink... 

I do however, have apps on my phone that I should probably use. Here is the thing: I am having a hard time going all-tech for everything. I still resort to my paper calendar for appointments and writing things down... BUT, I am excited for iOS 5 to come out. It's got a ton of fun new features and things that will probably convince me to give up my paper calendar/planner for good. Maybe.

I should say that it's amazing what our phones are capable of doing now!! In so many ways, they make our lives so much easier.

Here are some apps that I have attempted to use. I wish that I had reviews of them, but I haven't used any of them enough to write a good review, but I think that they all could be pretty awesome. Most of them I find too busy or I just prefer to write on a piece of paper because it's what I'm used to. Maybe I should challenge myself to go only tech for a week to see how it goes... I do keep both a paper and google calendar. It is double the work... we'll see.

 Remember the Milk - This one has potential for me to actually learn to love to use.
 LifeNotes To Do - A little too busy for me. I couldn't get into it.
Springpad - VERY busy. More for organizing ideas, notes, to-do lists, planning. I like simplicity.
Microsoft OneNote - Simple. But couldn't get into using it. Maybe I'm not meant to use an electronic device for my to-do lists/ideas/etc.
Has anyone else tried iPhone (or Android) apps for your phone? What was it? Could you get into it? Did it help? How do you make lists if not on your phone?

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Happy Birthday Hubby

Yesterday was the boy's birthday! He is officially a quarter of a century years old :)

I totally meant to do this yesterday, but it was a busy day...

To my sweet husband (so glad I can finally say that--I was soooooooo incredibly excited to finally be able to buy him a husband birthday card!!): There are no words to describe how thankful I am to be a part of your life and finally be your wife. You are patience and kind and loving and the best husband I could have ever asked for. I am lucky to call you my husband and lucky that we will have many more birthdays to celebrate together. I love you with all my heart and soul, to the moon and back, every tomorrow.

I was going to make him his favorite meal (goulash) but we both ended up working late and I didn't have time earlier in the day to stop at the grocery store to pick up the ingredients... so we went to Longhorn instead for yummy steaks. I'm still going to cook him goulash sometime this week too!! He's a lucky man :P

Later this week we are going to the Big Peach Running Co. to get him fitted for running sneakers that are right for his feet and pick him up a pair of new running shoes since he has picked up running pretty regularly lately. Later this month we are going to see Wicked, which we bought the tickets for his birthday way back in May or June. We're super excited :)

Monday, September 12, 2011

Weight Loss Journey

I have decided that despite my thyroid problems right now, I am going to attempt to lose weight. I'm hoping that this won't get me too frustrated and discouraged, but it's also so that I can start eating better and retrain my body to get fuel off of good foods. It's not even that I eat horribly right now but I could make some healthier choices and cut out some of the crapola that I eat. So basically I'm going to kind of start making better decisions during every meal and even when we go out to dinner. When we go out to eat I always make sure I get something yummy without thinking about how good it is for me because, well, I want something yummy. I do have to say though that we usually never get appetizers and we usually never get dessert.

Anyway, like the first time I lost weight in undergrad, I did a lot of "preparing" myself for eating right and starting to exercise. I like to research and just get prepared and then jumped right into being healthy. Which is what I've been doing... I guess I'm sort of "slow to warm up" and really had to be into it with my heart and head to really jump in. But, I'm ready now. ::yay:: I stumbled across this website over the weekend and am in love with all the healthy food choices and how it seems like she still eats. I probably have a few years on her and it will probably take me a lot longer to lose weight since I cannot work out right now and my thyroid is all sorts of messed up at the moment. But if I start making healthy choices and being mindful of what I am eating then hopefully when I am healthy again, the weight will start slipping off. I am hoping to be 20lbs lighter by Christmas. And by this time next year, I hope to be to my goal weight.

I'm not going to use this entry to reveal my weight loss goals and what I weigh, but I am going to say that I am going to make this public--exact weight, pictures of progress, everything. I want to be honest and I want accountability. Call me crazy if you want, but I think that this is what will work for me. I'm putting it all out there. It's time to hold myself accountable for what I do to my body. I have to learn how to love my body again. I have to learn how to love myself again. And this is how I'm going to do it.

I'm tired of being "fat". I'm tired of feeling like crap all the time emotionally and physically. I'm going to be honest, open and start working on improving myself. I will reach my goal weight before I am 30 :) So here it is and where about I am starting from. Let's do this!!

There are no words to describe how mad these picture make me feel. More sad than mad really. I get so upset with myself for working so hard to lose the weight after high school (braces and working at Target helped with that though too) and then gaining it all back in grad school. It doesn't help that I have thyroid problems as well but I am hoping to get that under control soon as well.

Stay tuned next week for an update on where I am now and what I plan on doing :) I'm going to do this!!

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Remembering 9/11 - Ten Years Later

I could sit here and talk about where I was and what I was doing on 9/11 ten years ago (For those that are curious, I was in 11th grade and didn't know anything was happening until I went to my astronomy class and the teacher had the TV on. I don't think that I saw the first or second plan hit... I had choir first and we sang the entire class and the teacher had no idea what was going on until after class.) but I'm going to let this video do the talking for me because I think it's amazing. It gave me goosebumps and brought tears to my eyes.

Always remember.

Today, remember to tell those in your life that you love them. And pray for those that this day will always be exceptionally hard.

God Never Blinks: Life Lesson #10

Life Lesson #10:

God never gives us more than we were designed to carry.

- I guess this is a good one for me to reflect on right now as I pick the Life Lesson's back up (life seriously took over and I let this get away from me...). God never gives us more than we were designed to carry. Chew on that for a little while. Let it sink in. Really think about it.

Think of all the things that have happened to you in your life... moving, marriage, illness/sickness, death, abuse, love, friendship, financial issues, weight problems, ... you name it, you can put it in there. The beauty of this whole thing to me is that one of my clients this week, who is 17-years old said almost the exact same thing. Yes folks, there are still smart children in the world--they aren't all consumed by TV, game systems, and Jersey Shore (yuck, yuck, YUCK!). Anyway, she has some pretty extraordinary circumstances in her life that would bring just about anyone to their knees (in weakness, not to pray) but this young lady has really persevered and is strong, smart, intelligent, and just plain insightful. She told me, the therapist, that we are given the life that God thinks that we can handle. Wow. I almost reached across the table in the middle of therapy and violated 8-billion different ethical boundaries (okay, maybe just 1 or 2) and hugged her.

I'm still trying to figure out what God has planned for me in life. I'll probably never know his exact plan and He'll just continue giving me "bread crumbs" to follow, but I have especially been thinking about His plan the last few months that I have been sick. I by no means feel like I am dying (except when I get painfully exhausted) and as far as we know right now the nodule I have on my thyroid is completely curable, but I have been asking Him why it happened so soon after Jake and I getting married? And why it is happening when I have a job that is in my career field? And of course, we always think, why me? How selfish of us.

I'm not feeling sorry for myself (not today anyway...). Actually, I haven't really felt sorry for myself. I just honestly really want to feel better. I just want answers to the questions that everyone would ask when they get sick. Jake and I are living our wedding vows -- "in sickness and health". Of course we didn't expect "sickness" to come so soon after getting married, but I have the best husband in the world who is being loving and patient and kind and caring. And maybe God is telling me that I'm not really doing what I should be doing in the world, that he has bigger plans for me and I'm not following them right now. And I got sick because God knew that I could handle whatever it was that he threw at me. I'm strong and I will get through it. And maybe God is telling me to pay attention to my health and start treating myself better.

Anyway, through abuse, through sickness, through death, through marriage, through divorce, through anything and everything, God gives us these things because He loves us. Because He knows that we are strong enough to survive anything. It's us, as humans, that doubt ourselves. Who wane when we should be strong. Who have the strength to get through anything. So instead of asking God "Why?" ask him for the strength and courage to get through it and ask him "How?".

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Thankful Thursday - 09/08/11

 This week I am thankful for:

1.  Having Monday off to read an entire book. [Sarah's Key by Tatiana de Rosnay]
2.  Rain. Even if it cancelled the Sunday NASCAR race that we went to and had amazing seats to. But we needed the rain badly!
3.  Good nights of sleep.
4.  Cooler weather!! Need I say more?

5.  My husband. And his patience, care and love. Oh, and being married for 4 months today <3
6.  DVR.
7.  Being able to work from home (actually, this is bittersweet). I love being able to make my own schedule.
8.  Leftovers. For those nights I don't feel like cooking or Jake and I get home late...
9.  This website. I may have just found my diet/eating healthy/weightloss inspiration/motivation.
10. Finally finding it in myself to make the changes to be healthier. Even if it was almost 9pm when Jake and I got home last night and were so hungry we stopped and got McDonalds--and I didn't make a good food choice. Today is a new day, right?

Link up here and write about what you are thankful for this week :)

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Thankful Thursday - 09/01/11

Top 10 Things I am Thankful for this Week:

Starting to feel better. Even though I have had some crappy days this week, I have been feeling better since being put on an anti-thyroid medication. It's been a lot of ups and downs. Seriously, fatigue doesn't even begin to describe how I feel during a down.

Family. And Friends. It's hard to imagine who will be there for you when you are at your worst. Being sick helps define who will be there no.matter.what.

A wonderful husband who has supported me through the whirlwind of health stuff for the past 3-months and been patience with my constant ups and downs. Seriously, he's amazing. I am so lucky.

September finally being here. Hopefully cooler weather is right around the corner. Plus, it's Jake's birthday month & we get to see Wicked at the end of the month.

Allergy eye drops. Seriously, I get the worst allergies in my eyes during "allergy season" (which in the ATL seems to be all spring/summer/fall). The eye drops make it possible to wear my contacts--because I hate wearing my glasses.

Good books. I just finished The Hunger Games series and loved it!! I'm finding it hard to get into my next book: There's Cake In My Future (which has been good so far too...) because I enjoyed them so much. Cannot wait for The Hunger Games movie!!!

Country music. It helps me get through the stressful times in my life. And it's all I can listen to right now because of everything that is going on.

Being able to finally register for my LMSW exam. Well, I sent in my paperwork and am waiting for the state board to approve it. But, I finally got it sent it in. Now, just to come up with the other $230 to actually register for the test when I am approved...

My kitty, Rascal. He is the sweetest kitty and when I am having a bad day he hangs around me all day. Which helps me feel at least relaxed.

Finding peace and strength in letting people go that don't want to care about me.

Making Big Decisions

Last week, I wrote about treatment options to help cure the hyperactive thyroid nodule that I have. [If you are interested in reading it, you can do so here.] For anyone that knows what we are going through, or has had health concerns that they have had to make treatment decisions about, you know the time and energy that Jake and I have had had to come to a final decision. Much discussion was done. Lots of research (on my part). And just taking into account what our plans are in the next year and how it would pretty much affect our other decisions for the next two years. Or could affect them for the next two years.

Either treatment I get, RAI or surgery, would cure the nodule that I currently have. Well, that's what the doctor says and what we are hoping for. And, either treatment could make me suffer from hypothyroidism (which I feel like I had before all this happened anyway). But the RAI affects me for the next year, especially if I have to do more than one treatment. Surgery would be hard, but would cure me within 2 weeks. So much to think about.

So thinking and talking about it is what Jake and I have been doing. Seriously, who knew sickness would come so quickly for Jake and I?? Oh, it's small in the scheme of things. And it's small compared to what a lot of other people are going through, but it's put my life and celebrating our marriage pretty much on hold for the last 3 months. It's been challenging and stressful. Luckily the antithyroid medication that I've been taking has been helping me to feel better--I no longer feel nauseous all the time (thank God!) and I've been getting some of my energy back. But, I can't be on the antithyroid medication forever...

Which leads to our decision about treatment. Jake and I have decided that we are going to go ahead with the surgery. It's going to mean that I have to take a week or 2 off of work (but I would have had to take about 1-week off for the RAI treatment too--because, ya know, I would be radioactive!) and that I'll have a scar on my throat. But in the long run, it will be the easiest, most effective treatment for me. And for both of us, it would feel good to have the nodule out of my body. It would give us a piece of mind. It's very uncommon for this type of thyroid nodule to be cancerous and I'm not worried if it is. If the nodule turns out to be cancerous, then we'll deal with that when it happens--if this is the case, I'll go in for a second surgery to remove the rest of my thyroid and then getting the RAI treatment will be a must to kill any remaining thyroid tissue and cancerous cells.

I have an appointment on September 14 to get more bloodwork drawn to see how my levels have improved (or not--but I am guessing they are improved) and talk about what Jake and I have decided... at that time, I'll know more :)
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